I Think You Are cRaZy!

For many years my friends and loved ones have claimed that they often don't realize that I stutter. They say that after getting to know me and talking to me often, they just ignore the stuttering and think of it as just part of how I talk. Though some also claim to start stuttering after talking to me a long time! They say that its often surprising to them when a new friend or acquaintance brings up the stutter or asks about it in confidence. There's sort of like "Oh yeah, Kevin stutters...I forgot to mention that." They say that its just part of my essence and don't notice it any more. Karen w/"K" Cherone even claims to not have known that I stuttered at all until another friend pointed it out weeks later. LIAR. but I still like you.

I guess its just impossible for me to imagine that people don't realize I stutter all the time when talking, because its literally the only thing I think about every single time I open my mouth. My brain is like a thesaurus and every word I choose is carefully selected from all the other words that could be said in its place. I know I'm going to stutter on a word before it hits my throat/mouth. So I quickly think of another word that I could say instead of the pending stuttering word to get that out quickly and avoid the stutter altogether. Think about this for a minute, every time I ever stutter, that's the EASIEST word that I can say at that moment! So just imagine how bad I'd sound if I only went with the first word that came to mind!?!?! We'd be here a while...
I know therapists tell stutterers not to do this, do not be afraid of words and quickly try to throw a different word out there to trick the stutter. But this is easier said than done. Actually, its the first thing I noticed when I started using the SpeechEasy device, I could try and use the first word I meant and it generally worked out well enough.

So with that said, because I think about stuttering every second that I'm speaking, I have a hard time believing people that say they don't notice it very often. I hope friends aren't just being nice when they say it... but knowing some of my friends, I doubt that's the case! ;)

But then again, as I was planning this post in my head I realized that I don't often notice friend's accents after a while. I mean, sometimes a certain pronunciation of a word will trigger a cue in my head but not often. I was thinking specifically about my friend Jenna from New Zealand. She has a heavy accent but after 2 minutes of talking to her, I don't pay any attention and instead focus on the content of the words she's saying. Occasionally I'll hear a word that "sounds funny" and my subconscious will pick up on it but for the majority of the time I just listen and respond as if she too had a heavy Chicago accent.
I guess this phenomenon of listening to accents also accounts for people picking up accents after spending a great deal of time in a foreign country or talking with someone for long periods of time with an accent. Maybe this same thing is why friends have noticed that they start to stutter around me? See, even your subconscious wants to be like me!
Though its still not OK to start "acting ghetto" around black friends, white people!

So maybe I'm starting to understand what friends have said for years that they don't always notice when I stutter in random conversation or when we shoot the shit...
But I still think you're all crazy!